Chinese Takeout

During our stopover in Beijing, one night Arianne and I were suddenly famished.  Deciding that we'd likely have plenty of Chinese food over the course of the next year, we decided not to feel bad about prolonging the inevitable and opted to stop at KFC.  While standing in line, I was carefully practicing how to order the meal number we wanted.  We hadn't even made it to the counter before the cashier saw us coming and whipped out a very specific picture menu and directed us to just point out our order rather than try to understand us.  I still had a chance to confuse her when I ordered a Sprite for each of us.  Since they use Pepsi products, they only had 7up...which I don't know how to say.  Confusion abounded, but somehow, in the end, we all got what we wanted.

Our second night in Beijing, we (again) did not feel bad about getting one last bite of western food before heading out.  We made it back to the hotel before deciding on the nearby Pizza Hut.  I volunteered to be the gopher after we agreed that a veggie pizza would be quite tasty.  Pizza Hut is kind of a big deal here - it is a nice, sit down restaurant with a hostess, wait staff, etc, etc.  I successfully informed the hostess that I wanted to order "wai dai" (to go).  She directed me to a server just inside the door and the fun began.  The server handed me a (bilingual!!) picture menu.  I flipped past the seemingly limitless drink selection, the burgers, and who knows what all else until I found what I was looking for - Pizza!  I quickly scrolled through until I found the garden veggie pizza and noted all that was on it: bell peppers - both green and red, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, corn, and pineapple.  Uhhh, yeah, ok.  Arianne had informed me that she was not a fan of mushrooms and I had informed her that I wasn't sure how to say mushroom in Chinese, but that I would do my best.  So, the dialogue with the server began.  Loosely translated, it went something like this:

Me: I would like this one (pointing to veggie pizza).

Server: ' "" ' '' "

M: Uh, yeah, I would like this one, but I don't want...something (pointing to mushroom on picture).

S: Ok, you'd like this one.  But what is it you don't want?

M: I don't know how to say it in Chinese, but it's this (pointing to mushroom).

S: " ' " '''

M: I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

S: This is called "' ' " '

M: Uh..muo....g...?

S: No, muogu.

M: Muo...goo...?

S: Sure! What else would you like?

M: Ok, so, I want this pizza with no muogu.  Hmm.  And I'm not sure if my friend likes this stuff (pointing to pineapple).

S: Oh! That's ' "" '' "" '.  (Apparently she had felt enough success at teaching me muogu. Oy.)

M: Uhh..luo...???

S: ' "" '' "" '

M: Ok, well, yes it's yellow.  So, I feel like I want this pizza with no mushroom and no yellow stuff.

S: ' "" '' "" '

M: Yeah, I don't want that - it's the big, yellow stuff, right?

S: Right.  What size do you want?

M: Well, there are two of us.  So, I don't want a small and I don't want a large, maybe a center.  (I had no clue how to say medium!)

S: I think you should get the one that is 58 RMB.  It is great for two people.

M: Ok!

S: So what kind of ' " '' ' do you want (pointing at crust)?

M: (Under my breath) Good lord! (Out loud) Uh, this one...?

S: Oh, but this one is very good and so is this one and "" "" '' ' '' ' " '' ' '.

M: (Seeing one filled with cheese and pointing to it) Ok, this one! I want this one.

S: Ok, please wait 20 minutes and we'll have your order ready.

M: Phew.

Even with corn on it, that pizza was SO worth it - no one knows when we'll see cheese again (cue heart-wrenching music and fade).