Have you married?

Culturally, it's such an innocent question, typically accompanied by fits of giggles and small, shy glances.  Yet, somehow, it's both harder to hear and to answer here.  It always manages to create some sort of overstimulated emotional reaction inside me.  Whether it's barely noticeable in an absolute-smallest-of-twinges-felt-in-the-innermost-part-of-my-gut sort of way or whether I'm caught completely unprepared to the point an instant rush of adrenaline quickens in my veins while I feel awkwardly put on the spot...either way, it's really rather unpleasant.

Culturally, there are only two legitimate answers to this question: a seemingly rather simple "yes" or a just as simple "no" as in "not yet."  In Mandarin, the question is nearly always asked as a quite open-ended but literal "Have you or have you not married?" as opposed to the American English version of "Are you married?" with its (glorious!) implication of current conditions.  According to (my rather limited grasp of) the nature of the language, the proper response in Mandarin should then be either "I have" or "I have not."  Pretty simple, right?  However, I haven't been able to comfortably or legitimately answer with either of those responses in years.  To say "I have" would be met with further questions as to where/who my husband is and to say "I haven't" would simply be a lie - so not my style.  The asker(s) can't possibly be aware of the many complications that riddle the truth as well as my past.

Culturally, it would be wildly inappropriate to burden those only wishing to make a little small talk with the highly personalized details of my story.  They don't need to know about the years of heartache I struggled through, scrambling after a husband who first rejected his faith, his wife and ultimately all other significant commitments.  They don't need to know how much greater the pain was even further increased by perfectly well-meaning individuals who assumed that my own faith must have been lacking, that I simply didn't value the marriage enough myself, or that surely I failed to make a sufficient effort and let it slip idly from my grasp.  They don't need to know.  And that's not what they're asking anyway.

Culturally, it's not about the culture at all.  It's about my own personal journey, my personal struggle through issues I never anticipated would be mine - lost baggage I never meant to claim, yet somehow repeatedly finds it way to me in unanticipated, little reminders like this question.  Most days I feel as though I've come far enough that it just slides right off, but somedays the constant reminder is too much and I want to blame a culture for valuing a life as so much greater if it's legally and matrimonially attached to another, blame whoever might be responsible for leaving me to deal with this kind of silly conundrum, blame myself for not just getting past it altogether already.  Somedays it's really all too much, but sometimes, somehow it becomes a sweet reminder of the infinite measure of grace and peace I've already received, a chance to remember I'm neither who, nor where, I once was and that my hope has indeed been redirected.

National Day Trip

The alternative title for this post could be "I may have finally learned my lesson."

First lesson being, if I have the urge to get some much-needed-as-an-undercover-introvert alone time...well, I should definitely stick to a plan of traveling alone.  Second, the only people who should travel on national holidays in this country are those who need proof that the billion+ population is not a mere exaggeration.

(It's not.)

All week, as those around us celebrated the birth of New China, I contented myself with much smaller celebrations, such as:
the arrival to our first destination (after an adventuresome night followed by nearly 15 hours on a bus),

Pre-adventure - trekking down a CQ highway in the rain due to standstill traffic.

Laura made a new friend on the long bus ride.  Heh.

 experiencing "almost" Tibet,

Tibetan prayer flags strung across a local river.

my first glimpse of yaks,

Hairy cows!

a delightful bowl of noodles,

The much-celebrated Lanzhou Lamian.

 and perhaps the most beautiful creation I've ever seen.

Long Lake, JiuZhaiGou

Clear enough to see to the bottom - at least 10 feet down.

The natural minerals/elements (including copper) turn the water the most stunning aqua blue. 

I'm a sucker for waterfalls.

 Lesson learned.  But still, I couldn't have asked for a better classroom.

The First Ever Chalkboard Tuesday!

As a teacher in the university setting here, I have the privilege of regularly rotating classrooms.  Occasionally, the previous teacher has neglected to erase the blackboard.  Even more occasionally, whatever they have neglected to erase is somewhat amusing or even insightful.

Tuesday seems like the closest-thing-to-perfect day to share these little moments.  I mean, there's just not a day of the week whose name really makes the word "chalkboard" sing when you combine the two.  So, Tuesday it is.

Alright, here we go, starting off with the proverbial bang. *Ahem.*

Um, what class is this again?

Feeling Like a Boss

We've officially been back to our city in China for almost a month now.  As my roommate, Arianne, so accurately phrased it, "This year so kicks last year's butt!"

On the way back to China, I adhered to my traditional "extended layover" in Seattle in order to hang out with the good lady who first helped me survive rural China over eight years ago.  Let's just say that Brandi is a rock star.  Knowing that good, non-taro-root-flavored marshmallows are basically impossible to find where I live (knowledge that may be due to my moaning about it a little too much), she discovered how to whip up a homemade batch with a recipe I can use here, with only the added assistance of a mixer.  So whip up we did.  SO. DELICIOUS. (Send me those pictures, Olson!)  I have a friend here in town with a KitchenAid mixer and I may have been guilty of yelling "GET READY TO LIVE!" at her the first time we saw each other after summer break.

Also in Seatlle, some friends gave me a HappyLite they were no longer using.  Now, I had already prepared for my impending sunshine deficiency and stocked up on this delicious multi-vitamin for its abundance of vitamin D, amongst other things:

However, considering we can typically count the days of sunshine per semester here on one hand, I've heard that the HappyLite can make a world of difference.  (Woohoo!)

In other news, Arianne and I had a 15 hour, overnight layover in Beijing and were prepared to just slum it in the waiting area of the terminal, but Arianne had somehow been bumped up to business class on the long flight and had someone waiting for her with a sign in Beijing to let her know the airline had then also booked her a room.  Naturally, I said, "Uh...excuse me.  I'm with her." So we "slummed" it at the Hilton Beijing instead, y'all.  

The school had requested us to return to campus about ten days prior to the start of class.  So, after wrapping up some meetings, we found ourselves with enough time to finally venture up to Chengdu and check out the IKEA there.  It was everything we'd dreamed of and more.  It may have been easier to schlep everything home if a small army had been in attendance, but somehow we made it with just the four of us ladies.

All of our windows now have curtains that don't look like a spirally taupe death march.  My floor has a rug that I'm confident will prevent feelings of foot frost this winter - for perhaps the first time ever in China, I felt absolutely comfortable and content lying on the floor.  Our kitchen now has adequate shelving.  And perhaps the biggest news of all, we are the proud new owners of a sewing machine.  Ah, yes.  Things are definitely looking up.

So take that, last year!  Take it like a man!

Texas, My Texas

So, it's been a good two months or so since my last post.  Oops.  Needless to say, a lot has happened since then.  There were final exams given and graded, a semester/school year wrapped up, and another trip to both Myanmar and Malaysia thrown in the mix, with a day squeezed in for Tokyo.

However, I've been wonderfully fortunate to have spent the majority of the summer holiday back in the great state of Texas - surrounded by family and friends.  So, enjoying all of that's actually been taking up the majority of my time (rather than spending it on the ol' interwebz) but now even my time here is coming to a close as I begin to prepare for my return to China.

Honestly, I don't have anything too life-changing to share (or perhaps too much for a single post), but I did simply want to try and get back in the habit of posting.

So, this is one view I'm quite familiar with while home:

Dad driving Mom and I all over Texas (and sometimes Oklahoma).

I know the land's not always much to look at, but the sky in the Texas panhandle just doesn't stop.  I can fail to think of any other place where I love just sitting and staring into the sky so much.  Every day it's like an exquisite new painting appears on an otherwise blank canvas.

Somehow, while I'm here, I'm able to breathe a little deeper, feel a little stronger, and find a little more perspective.  Although I'm working up excitement to return to the students and friends I left in Asia, it's certainly good to be here now.

One of these things is not like the other.

Changes, Always with the Changes

A single, bare, swinging light bulb.

A small room of dark, dank concrete walls that smells of mold and other, less pleasant, odors.

A surly, mustached-man in a sweat-stained uniform wielding an intimidating nightstick.

A metal table that rings with exaggerated severity as he alternately pounds it with a fist or aforementioned nightstick.

"Tells us!" He maniacally screams before his voice suddenly and threateningly lowers to a more guttural growl,  "Tell us...NOW!"

Well, this particular thing has never happened to me (yet), but if I were to ever find myself in some crazy situation where a madman forced me to describe my life here with one simple, but over-used and worn-out phrase, I think (between my sobs of fear) I'd choke out the well-exhausted "It never gets boring."

And how.

Now, dear friends and family (of which there are possibly a good 8-10 of you that ever even occasionally glance this way), please do not misunderstand me as comparing you with said surly interrogator when I confess to you all that actually the never-getting-boring is a good deal of the reason why I have so rarely found (made?) time to keep you apprised of my daily goings-on.

I'm still working out how to strike any kind of balance.  You see, there are times that something happens and I think, "I must let everyone know about this!"  However, that is all too often followed by an event that entirely eclipses it, or the saddening realization that it is something that would be better left out of the glaring publicity that is the internet.  So, too many times, I opt to post about the somewhat amusing, yet mundane in my life, or (far more often) to forego sharing anything altogether.  Like many, much more talented individuals before me, I usually choose to highlight whatever humor can be found instead of getting bogged down in the difficulties.  However, that is not to say that they don't exist.

Actually, for some friends that are quite dear to me, the scenario I described above is decidedly more possible than it is for myself (minus the mustache and the cliche).  I hope that as you think of me, you'll also remember them.  When I complain about my suffering (usually in regard to not having a higher beef/cheese/milk - any cow product, really - dietary intake), I'm ashamed to remember the very real issues they face.

I won't go into too many details here, but suffice it to say that many of my students face deep personal choices that are causing them to struggle with things I can't even begin to imagine facing.

Interestingly enough, the day I began typing this (nearly a week ago), I was given some news of even more changes that are coming that will have an impact on my life here.  So, the rest of the week has been...err, fun...as the new "normal" has been taking everything in stride and just waiting to see what comes next.  All that to say, I'd certainly appreciate any positive thoughts you're willing to send regarding wisdom for us (I'm including other teachers in that request), and peaceful hearts and minds for our students.

I'll also take advice on deterring surly, mustached men if you've got any.  You know, just in case.

You might live in China if...

~The term "toilet paper" no longer exists in your vocabulary.  It has been replaced with "tissue" because you must always carry small packs in your purse and it is not uncommon to see a roll of tissue prominently displayed on a restaurant table in lieu of napkins.

~You find yourself thinking, "We need more tupperware...time to buy yogurt!"  because the small, "Greek" yogurt containers are about the most useful storage containers you've found.

~You go to a restaurant known for its better rice to buy three orders to take home (to eat with the dinner your roommate cooked) only to have the restaurant staff look at you like you have three heads and tell you that they don't have any...while they are serving big bowls of rice to each table.

~Every time you see a non-Chinese person that is not a member of your team (maybe once a month on a trip to the city), you find yourself staring unabashedly as the first thought to pop into your mind is "wai guo ren!" ("foreigner!") , followed closely with a "huh, what are they doing here?!"  All before you remember that they are likely (rightfully) thinking the same thing about you.

~You find yourself cursing the Stairs of Death on a daily basis - whether it's to class, at the supermarket, train station, a local mountain, or just getting from once place in the city to another.  Then after realizing that you have been climbing said Stairs of Death for seven months, you notice you still feel just as winded as when you started.

~You get excited when you see Roman script in public - it doesn't even have to be English.

~You no longer notice the prolonged stares as you go about your daily business in town and are quietly amused at how your Chinese friends react with shock at what a spectacle you are.

~Every time someone sees you coming and declares, "Oo-ah? Na shi wai guo ren!" (Wha..? There's a foreigner!") you confidently respond with "Shi a!" ("There is!") for the sheer purpose of personal entertainment.

~While in language class, you try to put a new spin on the age-old Chinese insult of "pig head" by changing it to "chicken head" only to be met with the gasps of your teacher who quickly declares that she is indeed not an organizer of prostitutes.  However, you still leave the class feeling accomplished having effectively learned the term for pimp.

~You are suddenly watching your step for leaky sewage and then notice that "it's only" a street vendor selling stinky tofu.

~Your spirits are suddenly lifted to extraordinary heights because you see sunshine for the first time in nearly 6 months.

~Every night when preparing for dinner, the question is "What do ya wanna eat tonight - rice or noodles?"

~Shoes that have puffy rabbit heads or shirts with giant, sparkly teddy bears (especially when worn simultaneously) no longer even draw a second glance from you.

~You are writing a blog post and use all the words that don't exactly fit together the way you'd like them to because you can't remember any words you would prefer...the vocabulary of your native language diminishes daily.